Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Walkies: The Black Dog is Back

Do you own a dog?
Did you know your dog may display "Dominant Behaviour"?

Basically, this means that the dog thinks is the pack leader. Dog believes they are the "alpha", and that the human should be submissive. So as opposed to a person owning a dog, the dog thinks that they own a person.

So do you own a dog?
Or does a dog own you?


Depression is a dominant dog.
If you try to ignore him, he barks & growls and probably urinates on all of your stuff.

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Levels of Conscious thought in different personality types. A Personal Theory. It's pretty deep. Part 2 of 3: Bekky.

Part Two: Bekky
Anxiety & Depression

This is my mind.
The levels included here are as follows:

  • Daily life. Functioning. Existing.
(waking up, breathing, eating, checking facebook)

  • Gateway Anxieties
(Answering the phone, Driving, Meeting new people, Watching the news)

Accessing these gateway anxieties can lead to Global Anxieties. 
These are things I get anxious about that are entirely out of my control. 
The Gateway anxieties can be managed with cognitive behaviour therapy

  • Global Anxieties

The Global Anxieties include thinking in depth about War, Poverty, First World Privileges/problems, closely connected to thoughts about Third World realities/problems, the abuse of any living creature, & the fact that everything is controlled by something bigger than me that I struggle to understand 
(ie. the information I take in is controlled by the media, the country I live in and the choices i'm allowed to make are decided by politics, My money & whatever I do with that? The big banks have that under control. Nothing seems simple. As soon as you start asking questions you start getting these insane answers that only lead to more questions and the answers only become more difficult to understand. I'm getting dreadfully off topic now. I don't understand how the World works by any means.)

This leads me to ...
  • Depression

I cannot comprehend the suffering in the World. 
I cannot save everyone who is hurt or hungry and yet I sit here safe and well fed. 
Does this make me a horrible human? 
I am convinced it does. 
Should I sacrifice everything in my life to help others? 
Yes! I should. 
But will that fix everything? 
Will it fix anything?
Probably not Bekky.
Then why would I do anything? 
What is the point of doing anything?
Why would anyone want to be a part of this life?
It's just horrible.
Everything outside feels heavy.
Any enjoyment I get from little things makes me feel guilty.
I am a horrible person.
I stop enjoying little things.
I despise myself.
Everything gets dark.
sleep as much as I possibly can.

All because I watched the news.
I am so tired.

Coming Soon: 
Part Three-Graham State.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Levels of Conscious thought in different personality types. A Personal Theory. It's pretty deep. Part 1 of 3: Normal.


Let's get crazy.

I'm going to talk to you about :
1. Normal State
2. Bekky State (Anxiety, Depression) 
3. Graham State (Narcissistic Personality disorder)

Warning: This might bake your noodle.


This is what I imagine a mind looks like when it is free of any "mental illness".

Because nobody just has happy fun brain all the time, I have included :

  • Daily life. Functioning. Existing. 
(waking up, breathing, eating, checking facebook)

  • Normal Stress 
(job, mortgage, wondering if you're a cool kid, did I remember to take the bins out)

  • Annoying stuff 
(stepping in puddles, really high phone bills, when your favourite shoes break, finding out you're not one of the cool kids, shit, I forgot to put the bins out)

  • Childhood Trauma of some description 
(Because everybody had something weird in their childhood.)

This childhood trauma has not surfaced into conscious thought & so does not affect day to day life.

Anything deeper than this is not accessed. It doesn't need to be.
Life is normal.

Level of anxiety & depression.

Shit gets deep.