Part Two: Bekky
Anxiety & Depression
This is my mind.
The levels included here are as follows:
- Daily life. Functioning. Existing.
- Gateway Anxieties
(Answering the phone, Driving, Meeting new people, Watching the news)
Accessing these gateway anxieties can lead to Global Anxieties.
These are things I get anxious about that are entirely out of my control.
The Gateway anxieties can be managed with cognitive behaviour therapy.
- Global Anxieties
The Global Anxieties include thinking in depth about War, Poverty, First World Privileges/problems, closely connected to thoughts about Third World realities/problems, the abuse of any living creature, & the fact that everything is controlled by something bigger than me that I struggle to understand
(ie. the information I take in is controlled by the media, the country I live in and the choices i'm allowed to make are decided by politics, My money & whatever I do with that? The big banks have that under control. Nothing seems simple. As soon as you start asking questions you start getting these insane answers that only lead to more questions and the answers only become more difficult to understand. I'm getting dreadfully off topic now. I don't understand how the World works by any means.)
This leads me to ...
I cannot comprehend the suffering in the World.
I cannot save everyone who is hurt or hungry and yet I sit here safe and well fed.
Does this make me a horrible human?
I am convinced it does.
Should I sacrifice everything in my life to help others?
Yes! I should.
But will that fix everything?
Will it fix anything?
Probably not Bekky.
Then why would I do anything?
What is the point of doing anything?
Why would anyone want to be a part of this life?
It's just horrible.
Everything outside feels heavy.
Any enjoyment I get from little things makes me feel guilty.
I am a horrible person.
I stop enjoying little things.
I despise myself.
Everything gets dark.
I sleep as much as I possibly can.
All because I watched the news.
I am so tired.
Part Three-Graham State.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder