Thursday, April 10, 2014

Anxiety Manifest

Okay so lately I've been worrying myself sick.
Worrying myself sick is what got me diagnosed with anxiety over 10 years ago.

I would worry about everything. 
Every little thing. 
Stuff that didn't matter at all, I would worry about it.
I've been doing it again lately.

Let me try to explain it to you.

You know how as an adult you have to deal with a lot of annoying little things that just have to  be done? Talking on the phone, filling out forms, eating well, saving money, just general shit you need to get done? 

Well let me tell you... I am worried about all of those things.
And it can get a little out of control.

For example:
I can't find the nozzle bit for the vacuum cleaner.
I need the nozzle bit so I can vacuum.

If I can't find the nozzle, that means I can't vacuum, which means my room will be dusty and dirty. 

I'm allergic to dustmites. 
So my allergies will get bad. 
When my allergies get bad I get really tired, and if i'm really tired I don't get all my work done and I don't cook good food, if I don't get my work done or eat good food, I get stressed that I am going to have no job and my health will deteriorate rapidly which will probably lead to me living on the streets and having a heart attack by age 25.

On top of that, I need to make 10 phone calls, reply to 50 emails, Finish up 5 different freelance jobs that I needed to have finished last week, Sort out some stupid paperwork, not spend money on shit I don't need but If I can't find the nozzle to the vacuum cleaner well then ...


I'm Doomed.



So, now try to visualise everything I just described is physically looming above my head.

Like so.


Now visualise all of those looming things, shrinking down, and sitting in my stomach. Stirring around and tying knots.

And that is what it feels like when I worry myself sick.



When I was making the above gifs, this little fuck-mangle happened, and I think it's pretty appropriate, because sometimes I feel like this also:



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